A Clueless Newbie Says Hello.

[RomanHans]

I don't know why my sister thought I'd want orchids. Maybe because I have an artistic personality, if you know what I mean. Whatever her motivation, I now have a window full of Dendrobiums and something labelled "Brsdm Lillian Oka."

Now, these orchids were absolutely breathtaking when I got them, and I had high hopes. But the reality is, I can barely keep myself alive, let alone seven little plants. I lost one favorite orchid that was like a stalk with an alien's head atop it, but the rest are hanging on. In fact, I broke up Lillian into three separate pots, and they're all doing okay.

They're not even thinking about blooming, but they're doing okay.

I'm an idiot, and I don't take advice well. Like with my complexion: it's lousy, even in middle age, and folks told me I wasn't washing my face enough. Um, I'd reply, isn't forty times a day sufficient? Then they'd say I was overwashing.

Yeah, that's it: I'm either over- or underwashing my face. That's certainly a help.

Which means my orchids are pretty much doomed. I'm either over- or underwatering them, and I'll probably find out when I pull their crumpled little bodies out of their pots.

Honestly, I'd be a little more constructive if I thought it'd help. But I've got one miserable window in my apartment, facing west, and this being New York the temperature goes from zero degrees to a hundred. I can barely keep myself clothed, so I'm hardly going to cool my plants should they happen to get too warm.

So, somebody break it to me gently: should I just toss these things out? And tell sis that Trader Joe's gift certificates make wonderful gifts?

Anyway, nice to meet all of you, and thanks for listening to me ramble.