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-   -   The joke thread (https://www.orchidboard.com/community/off-topic-totally/4529-joke-thread.html)

WhiteRabbit 12-05-2013 06:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paphluvr (Post 635703)
One morning on the way to work I had a bird hit the windshield. Blood, guts and feathers were everywhere and the carcass was stuck under the windshield wiper. I decided to turn on the wipers and washers in the hope of clearing the windshield and getting rid of the body of the bird. My idea worked, but unfortunately the body flew over the top of my car and hit the windshield of a police car traveling behind me.

The cop pulled me over and gave me a ticket.......






for flipping him the bird!
*groan* ;)

Phal-lover 12-09-2013 07:58 AM
I guess I should try and revive this thread... ;)

I was walking out of a bar, very drunk indeed. I saw two enormously fat ladies talking on the sidewalk outside. They both had strong accents. So I went up to them and asked, "Are you two ladies from England?" One turned around and yelled, "It's Wales!" so I said, "Ok, are you two whales from England?"

And that's the last thing I remember...

Phal-lover 12-10-2013 02:59 PM
Anyone? No one? Ok...


My husband came up to me today and said, "I've been thinking, I'm the man of this house, and you should respect that. So the second I walk through the door I expect the house to be spotless and a hot dinner to be waiting. Then I want you to bring my my robe and the newspaper, and run my bath. After that, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
I smiled slightly and answered his completely obvious question.
"Why, the funeral home of course."

thakshila smith 09-17-2015 09:42 AM
The first thought came to my mind is why did you go so far to the funeral home. That is not nice of course
You could have said . " Oh are you drunken or are you lifeless?"
:rofl: :rofl: :biggrin:

I miss so much our cb977 ! Didn't here from her for a longer time. :( :(

RosieC 09-18-2015 05:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by thakshila smith (Post 772350)
I miss so much our cb977 ! Didn't here from her for a longer time. :( :(
I've heard from her regularly on facebook. She's doing well and still has orchids but spends less time on them than in the past.

Nico 10-10-2015 09:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phal-lover (Post 637619)
Anyone? No one? Ok...


My husband came up to me today and said, "I've been thinking, I'm the man of this house, and you should respect that. So the second I walk through the door I expect the house to be spotless and a hot dinner to be waiting. Then I want you to bring my my robe and the newspaper, and run my bath. After that, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
I smiled slightly and answered his completely obvious question.
"Why, the funeral home of course."
Very good! :)

kg5 04-15-2016 06:47 PM
Two cats looking at a statue in a park and one cat says to the other. He is my hero I once saw him take 43 hit in a row from a spray bottle to the face and he did not even flinch.

estación seca 09-19-2016 06:30 PM
I got a mailer for what looks like a really good memory care home. I put it aside to read later, but I can't find it.

No-Pro-mwa 09-21-2016 12:08 PM
There funny. I don't think I have ever read this thread before.

rbarata 09-21-2016 12:50 PM
I, as the male of the house, always have the last word in every issue: "Yes, my dear! Yes, my dear!"


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