Dave...you must be a riot at parties! :banana:

:crackup:

Subject: social worker

A Guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have todrive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're B-Sin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah,well . . . . you started it.

LMAO!!! Hilarious!!!

I received this as a forward in my e-mail. I enjoyed it! :biggrin:


A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall,
handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......

on one condition"


Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition Was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."


The woman considered his proposition for a moment, And then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly And meaningfully said....



"Clean my house."

Sarah that was great! :crackup:

Good one Sarah, My wife liked it especially

>The Ventriloquist and the Blonde
>
>A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs, and one night he's doing a show
>in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going
>through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde woman in the 4th row
>stands on her chair and starts shouting:
>
>" 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you
>can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have
>to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women
>like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching
>our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate
>discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in
>the name of humor!'
>
>The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
>"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little punk on your
>knee!"