Hey Delawarejim, this will help you:
1.- They are gifts
2.- They are a joint order from several of your orchid society friends not all of them are for you...
3.- They are not for me they are for someone else
4.- If you are a married man: Oh really how many shoes do you have that bloom like this? HUH!?
5.- Hide in cartrunk/washer, anywhere your wife/husband will not look and then sweeze it into the house...be like a ninja for Neofinetias!
6.- 'I was given to me by a friend/old-lady-that cannot repot it'
7.- If you have a sister: Give to sister, tell her to bring it next day, when she comes: look innocent, explain and make a small drama and thankfully decline the "gifted plant", previously tell your sister/brother to insist, gracefully accept, look a bit embarrased and thank for wondrous gift. Hide credit card voucher/monthly balance, works better if you have lots of relatives.
8.- Brain Wash him/her
9.- Find a hobby to balance yours
10.- Take him/her to orchid shows maybe you'll pass the orchid fever (you never know!)
11.- Say everyonce in a while: The husband of my dear friend "x" bought her like 10 new orchids! Its so nice to have a husband like that!!!
12.- Getting home with an amazing orchid not saying a single word. When he asks, answer: I got it from a kind sir that was in the greenhouse and wow he knew about orchids! He even invited me to go to his house and pot his Coryanthes Species 4n (very specialized orchid joke double-pun here)
13.- Look what I got in the Orchid Club raffle!
14.- When you get a new orchid cook his/her favorite dish, because "I'm so happy I'm inspired" (replace dish with sex if orchid is too expensive)
15.- Check for (her): bags, shoes, make up. Him: Ties, tools, motorbikes, golfclubs.
16.- Him: Divorce that bitch! Her: Divorce that bastard!
17.- Bribe his best friend to say: "What a perfect frame does your orchids do to accentuate this beautiful and perfect house! I wish my wife/husband had such a great taste".
18.- Make your orchid greenhouse into a public orchidarium and charge an entry fee. If its giving nice bucks there will be no complaints, if he/her complains tell you'll close if he/her gives money to buy orchids.
And this are my they worked for real:
19.- Oh my god I found this in the street in the dumpster (Rhyncostele Rossi)
20.- A friend of a friend gave it to me because he knew I would take good care of it (stupidly big cymbidium hybrid)
21.- They were so cheap I felt I was mugging that store (several stupidly big vandas :S)
22.- Its a rare and endangered mexican endemic species (white phalaenopsis...no comment good thing he cant tell a dog from a orchid)
23.- I need it because...it is...a good companion plant for the other orchids I have...yes (Zygopetalum a nice friend for my Cyms right...)
24.- If I didnt bought it I would be forever sorry (phalaenopsis hybrid)
25.- Historical value! Its Darwins Orchid (Angraecum Sesquipedale)
26.- Historical value! Ghandi had one...he came with it to México (Paphiopedillum Villosum)
27.- Historical...value...its called Alamania because of Lucas Alaman...yes its true dont give me that look (Lucas Alaman was a respected mexican politician)
28.- Well this one...Histo...humm you see there was a dog and he like was trying to catch a freesbe and yes yes the tail of the dog hitted a nearby orchid and I was just below so I catched the orchid mid air and saved it. . .so I knocked the door and nobody came out so I had to you know keep it Sweet mother of Christ poor thing its so scared!! (Stupidly Big in flower Angraecum Eburneum Superbum)
29.- Ahh you see remember about last time with the dog...this time it was a racoon...yeah I need to pot this up (Sedirea Japonica)
30.- Its an interesting story...do you wanna hear it...I better put this next to the others ok...good riddance...
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Picture was taken this summer when most of them were flowering.
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