I want a vanilla orchid. Please talk me out of it
 

I know it gets huge, up to 10 meters (30 feet) long before it can bloom; we can manage that. Is there any other difficulties with vanilla?
Also, when does it realistically bloom? Ready to wait for up to 2 years.

Um, how big of a plant are you planning to start with, and what species? Yes, as far as I know, they have to be quite large before they'll bloom, but I think 30 feet might be a bit of an exaggeration. However, yes, they do get very large. I would think unless you're getting a fairly large, mature plant to begin with, 2 years is probably an optimistic timeline for first blooms. Be prepared to wait longer.

As far as I'm aware, vanilla isn't terribly difficult to grow, but getting it to bloom can be a different story. I'm not sure about your growing conditions, but these can resist blooming even when grown in a greenhouse. Probably depends on a lot of factors, such as the species in question, variety in question, and some times just pure luck.

Other than the sheer size requirements for growing vanilla, and dealing with that, I don't think there are any particular "difficulties". The plant itself obviously can roam a bit, and the stems are easy to break or damage. Plus, the roots can take over a bit.

I'm not the one to talk you out of it. I wanted one, went to the greenhouse and thanks to my hubby came home with 3! They are all young plants but.....

I have one. The foliage is pretty. I had a variegated one, too, but I found I preferred the green one. I look upon it as a very attractive air-filter. :)

First, it must reach 3-5 meters at least, receive enough light, be in a warm/wet environment most og the year, with a dry(er)/temperate period round November-December (around 15°C, note that it should be dry around these temperatures). it's inability to go higher will help too (hooray I reached canopy!)

It's way easier in a GH than at home. Usually a good GH will do the trick without much fuss and even not doing the whole mumbo-jumbo. In a flat, it can be a pain in the ass, I know, I'm battling with for 30 years…

First make it grow big (with a trunk about as large as your little finger), then either it'll be easy or very difficult.

Species like aphylla are easier to flower… ;)

They are a very pretty plant, why not grow one-if you are in DC check out a very nice one at the US Botanical Garden Lunchtime Tour of the Conservatory | United States Botanic Garden

Yep i read all that about the vanilla orchids. So I figure that my vanilla is like a philedendron - big nice looking green vine in my house - if it ever flowers great - if not, i bought the varigated variety for a more interesting look. Its a little guy right now, but definitely been growing quickly over the summer. mine was only about a foot long when i bought it, but i have at least 5 vines in the pot, they are now up to 18 in long....

Our local botanical garden (State Botanical Garden of Georgia) has a plain one that has been in their conservatory for at least 20 years, Cattleya light conditions, humid, basically anything I think it could want. I have never seen the thing bloom, or seen evidence that it had bloomed in the past (such as old flower stalks, etc.). It is quite large.

I am not saying yours won't bloom, or that other members here have not gotten a Vanilla to bloom. But, if you buy one, better plan on loving it for its foliage.

How can any of us talk you out of it when we (i mean I) cant control ourselves? LOL

Apparently the flowers DON'T smell of vanilla. Shame that.