Help Me Create An Invertebrate Wasteland

[AaronM]

Hello fellow bug haters.
I recently moved all but two of my orchids outside and was wondering what preventative measures you can suggest to protect my beloved orchids from pests. Most of them are just beginning to recover from a really bad life and don't need any more problems right now.
Let me first point out that am not afraid to wearing a hazmat suit and respirator when applying insecticides and will gladly use any chemical that will destroy bugs utterly while not harming my plants. If you can suggest something that would actually cause the pests to fall to the ground on contact and leave them writhing in agony for hours before they die that would be a great bonus. I would love it if I could hear the nasty little critters screaming. Something like VX Gas for insects would be great.
Again, I'm looking for something strong and effective (and preferably long lasting) to use as a preventative. In other words I want to be the "Chemical Ali" of the orchid world.
Also what is the best snail and slug protection. Use the same parameters as with bugs.

Thanks,

Aaron "The Orchid Whisperer" M