The joke thread

[Ray]

Must be a New England joke...

[Paphluvr]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.

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A DEA officer stopped @ a farm in Manitoba, & talked with
an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally-grown-drugs."

The farmer said, "Ok, but don't go in that field over there ..... ," as he pointed out the location.

DEA officer verbally-exploded saying, " Mr. I have the authority of the Federal Gov't with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge & proudly displayed it to the farmer.

"See this frkkin' badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish .... On any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear ..... do you understand?!"

Farmer nodded politely, apologized & went about his chores.

A short time later, the old farmer heard loud screams, looked up, & saw the DEA officer running for his life,
being chased by the farmer's humongous bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, it seemed likely he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified!

The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence & yelled at the top of his lungs .....

"Your badge, show him your frkkin' BADGE ...... !"

[Bulbopedilum]

Originally Posted by Paphluvr

arrogance of authority ...

[estación seca]

Originally Posted by Paphluvr

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.

The joke thread

[Paphluvr]

Originally Posted by estación seca

The joke thread

Oops!! Sorry!

[Ray]

Two young business school graduates were setting up a retail store in a Florida mall. All the shelves and fixtures were in, but the inventory had not yet arrived. One turns to the other and says, “I’ll bet some old fart geezer is going to stick his head in here and ask what we’re selling”.

Sure enough, a matter of a few minutes later, and elderly man glances in, knocks on the glass, and says, “Hey fellas. What’re you selling here?”.

One of the owners responds with “We’re selling assholes”.

Without missing a beat, the gentleman responds “Business must be good. You only have two left.”

[rbarata]

Originally Posted by Ray

Two young business school graduates were setting up a retail store in a Florida mall. All the shelves and fixtures were in, but the inventory had not yet arrived. One turns to the other and says, “I’ll bet some old fart geezer is going to stick his head in here and ask what we’re selling”.

Sure enough, a matter of a few minutes later, and elderly man glances in, knocks on the glass, and says, “Hey fellas. What’re you selling here?”.

One of the owners responds with “We’re selling assholes”.

Without missing a beat, the gentleman responds “Business must be good. You only have two left.”

[Ray]

An Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case there was a need for it. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a follow-up procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He then phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and crappy box of chocolates?"

To this the Arab replied: "Aye, laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins!”

[greenpassion]

Oops. Started to post a joke that I'd posted long ago...

[rbarata]

Where is the back side of a tree?

I'm waiting for answers...