The joke thread

[rbarata]

[Paphluvr]

Two old timers were quietly sitting in their boat fishing. All of a sudden Elmer says, "I'm thinking of divorcing my wife Eleanor - she hasn't spoken to me in two months." His buddy Earl takes a long, slow sip of tea and replies, "Better think that over ... women like that are hard to find."


From the Sept. 2017 Thumb Print News.

[rbarata]

What did the bee say to the flower?

Hello, honey!

---------- Post added at 02:35 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:22 AM ----------

What did the old flower say to the younger flower? What’s up, bud?

[estación seca]

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there, and the congregation shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistry, so the squirrels would drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels, and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the Church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they circumcised the first squirrel. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

[rbarata]

Good one, ES!

[kg5]

Did you hear about the terrorist that blow up a bus and burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

[rbarata]

Now that we're in that season again...

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

[estación seca]

After an extremely long day making toys and reading letters, Santa was exhausted, and near the breaking point. Just when he thought he could not handle another interruption, there was a knock on the door.

Santa answered the door, and saw an angel standing there, holding a Christmas tree. The angel asked Santa where to put the tree.

And that is why the Christmas tree has an angel stuck up on top.

[rbarata]

And that is why the Christmas tree has an angel stuck up on top.

Ouch!

[greenpassion]

Recently there was a study done on Crows. Scientists are baffled about the recent behavior that they discovered. It seems that a realized that many more crows were killed buy trucks then buy cars. After a lengthy study, they came to discover that the reason this was so is because crows can say cacaca, but they cannot say truck truck truck!