The joke thread

[RosieC]

[rambo]

In a factory there was board saying "Girls do not wear short skirts because men at work".

[bradhaddin]

Would you please move your cars?

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may be plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

[camille1585]

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

[thakshila smith]

I offered a pretty black kitten to my neighbor boy called Saranga. . He returned the fellow same day saying that it is refusing food and non stop crying.
The another morning few days later a small carrot color kitten was crying on our verandah . And I tried and return the black one to same boy same day .
Another two of kittens were remaining with me from the same litter and now I got three.
After few hours time what was happened was the given kitten was sucking milk from the tabby cat .
I got upset and threw the carrot kitten into a bare land . After another few hours time now almost dark my next neighbor came carrying the carrot one.

. And I talked , tried and return the black one to same boy same day .
Another two of kittens were remaining with me from the same litter and now I got three.
After few hours time what was happened was the given kitten was sucking milk from the tabby cat .
I got upset and threw the carrot kitten into a bare land . You can just think about the games of kittens. After another few hours time now almost dark my next neighbor came carrying the carrot one. Saying"Sister your cat is running here and there". The whole family came with their son too. I said" ours are happily sleeping. " The visitor said then must throw away this one .
Her husband said its bad to do so. " How bad people do these cruel things. "
Like that the conversation was going on and the boy was listing eagle y.
We were all thinking who got this carrot kitten? Suddenly the boy said "Oh, Saranga brought this!" He has seen Saranga was with the cat. Soon the mother held the kitten and ran away from my home and I was released.
Never offer a kitten to your neighbor!

[thakshila smith]

In our small country people sell lottery tickets on pavements. Sometimes they shout and call people to buy tickets saying many words. " Tomorrow is the last day . drawn tomorrow. 50 lakhs '"
At the end of a day after hard work sweep seller went to see a whore . And he fell asleep with her .
As usual he started shouting " Tomorrow , drawing . Drawing tomorrow. " in his sleep. Some people speak during their sleep.
Then the whore got mad, annoyed and slapped the fellow and send him away. She thought she will loose her daily customers by keeping this one in her room.

[thakshila smith]

There is a quite larger paddy field behind our block of land. In between the paddy fields there is a narrow water stream flowing every day and small and muddy fish living in it.
We feed them with boiled rice and shredded bread regularly to get merit and see the happy fish and floating bread. One day my daughter fed them with pack ted fish food and other food stuff.
They didn't eat and even no fights to snatch them.
They were human beings and used to eat only rice in their previous lives.


2. One day we took our bitch to a Vet to get operated her to remove her womb.
There were so many bitches on line to do so.
The assistant gave an injection and put them to sleep. Well we underwent that stage and waiting to lift our bitch to the operating theater.
First time in my life what I saw was a piece of a water gutter about 3 feet was there to keep , lie the patient in position .
The fantastic idea was that can hold two baby bitches at the same time.

[Paphluvr]

Farmer Jones and his wife were finally getting ready to retire, sell the farm, and move to Florida. As they were packing their belongings Mrs. Jones came across Pa's jewelry box with some miscellaneous items and three peas. Confused by the three peas she asked Pa "Pa, why are there three peas in this box"?

Pa replied, "We've had 60 wonderful years together but I have to admit that I cheated on you. Every time I did I put a pea in the box".

Ma thought about this for a moment and then replied, "Well, three times in sixty years, I can forgive you for that".

I bit later Pa came across Ma's jewelry box containing her meager collection of jewelry, two kernels of corn, and $3.50.

This time it was Pa's turn to be confused. "Ma, what are the two kernels of corn for"?

Ma confessed that, like him, she had also cheated and when she did she put a kernel of corn in the box.

Pa thought about this and said "Well, two times in 60 years, I can forgive you for that, but what is the $3.50 for"?

Ma somewhat indignantly replied "Well, when corn hit $3.50/bushel I had to sell".

[WhiteRabbit]

Originally Posted by Paphluvr

Farmer Jones and his wife were finally getting ready to retire, sell the farm, and move to Florida. As they were packing their belongings Mrs. Jones came across Pa's jewelry box with some miscellaneous items and three peas. Confused by the three peas she asked Pa "Pa, why are there three peas in this box"?

Pa replied, "We've had 60 wonderful years together but I have to admit that I cheated on you. Every time I did I put a pea in the box".

Ma thought about this for a moment and then replied, "Well, three times in sixty years, I can forgive you for that".

I bit later Pa came across Ma's jewelry box containing her meager collection of jewelry, two kernels of corn, and $3.50.

This time it was Pa's turn to be confused. "Ma, what are the two kernels of corn for"?

Ma confessed that, like him, she had also cheated and when she did she put a kernel of corn in the box.

Pa thought about this and said "Well, two times in 60 years, I can forgive you for that, but what is the $3.50 for"?

Ma somewhat indignantly replied "Well, when corn hit $3.50/bushel I had to sell".

LOL

[Paphluvr]

One morning on the way to work I had a bird hit the windshield. Blood, guts and feathers were everywhere and the carcass was stuck under the windshield wiper. I decided to turn on the wipers and washers in the hope of clearing the windshield and getting rid of the body of the bird. My idea worked, but unfortunately the body flew over the top of my car and hit the windshield of a police car traveling behind me.

The cop pulled me over and gave me a ticket.......






for flipping him the bird!