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08-31-2007, 06:53 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Zone: 4a
Location: Houghton Lake, MI
Age: 46
Posts: 872
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 I liked that one! Thanks Dave!  |
09-01-2007, 10:49 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 10b
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,667
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Afterlife
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Honey, honey."
"Is that you, Tom?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."
"Oh, Tom you surely must be in heaven."
"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Wisconsin ."
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09-02-2007, 12:52 AM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Zone: 7b
Location: Long Island, NY
Age: 63
Posts: 7,321
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09-04-2007, 12:39 AM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 5b
Location: South Central Idaho
Posts: 380
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Just how cold will it be?
INDIAN WINTER
IT WAS ALREADY LATE FALL AND THE INDIANS ON A REMOTE RESERVATION IN SOUTH DAKOTA ASKED THEIR NEW CHIEF IF THE COMING WINTER WAS GOING TO BE COLD OR MILD.
SINCE HE WAS A CHIEF IN A MODERN SOCIETY HE HAD NEVER BEEN TAUGHT THE OLD SECRETS. WHEN HE LOOKED AT THE SKY HE COULDN'T TELL WHAT THE WINTER WAS GOING TO BE LIKE.
NEVERTHELESS, TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, HE TOLD HIS TRIBE THAT THE WINTER WAS INDEED GOING TO BE COLD AND THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE VILLAGE SHOULD COLLECT FIREWOOD TO BE PREPARED.
BUT BEING A PRACTICAL LEADER, AFTER SEVERAL DAYS HE GOT AN IDEA. HE WENT TO THE PHONE BOOTH, CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AND ASKED, "IS THE COMING WINTER GOING TO BE COLD?"
"IT LOOKS LIKE THIS WINTER IS GOING TO BE QUITE COLD," THE METEOROLOGIST AT THE WEATHER SERVICE RESPONDED.
SO THE CHIEF WENT BACK TO HIS PEOPLE AND TOLD TH EM TO COLLECT EVEN MORE FIREWOOD IN ORDER T O BE PREPARED.
A WEEK LATER HE CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN. "DOES IT STILL LOOK LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE A VERY COLD WINTER?"
"YES," THE MAN AT NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN REPLIED, "IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY COLD WINTER."
THE CHIEF AGAIN WENT BACK TO HIS PEOPLE AND ORDERED THEM TO COLLECT EVERY SCRAP OF FIREWOOD THEY COULD FIND.
TWO WEEKS LATER THE CHIEF CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN. "ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT THE WINTER IS GOING TO BE VERY COLD?"
"ABSOLUTELY," THE MAN REPLIED. "IT'S LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE ONE OF THE COLDEST WINTERS WE'VE EVER SEEN."
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?" THE CHIEF ASKED.
THE WEATHERMAN REPLIED, "THE INDIANS ARE COLLECTING FIREWOOD LIKE CRAZY.
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09-07-2007, 10:50 AM
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Moderator
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Join Date: May 2005
Zone: 7b
Location: Queens, NY, & Madison County NC, US
Age: 44
Posts: 19,374
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OMG that is too funny!
__________________
"We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots?"
Goblin Market
by Christina Georgina Rossetti
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09-15-2007, 04:04 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 10b
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,667
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Subject: Elderly Medical concerns
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife I am usually hot and sweaty, but then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh, that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in August and the second time is in January."
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09-15-2007, 04:49 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Zone: 7b
Location: Long Island, NY
Age: 63
Posts: 7,321
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09-15-2007, 05:04 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Winchester, UK
Posts: 2,993
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09-15-2007, 06:05 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Zone: 9a
Location: Spring Hill, FL
Posts: 17,222
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 Very funny
I somehow missed the previous two pages in the thread!
There's some very funny stuff happening!
Last edited by cb977; 09-15-2007 at 06:08 PM..
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10-10-2007, 11:23 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Zone: 10b
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,667
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Football FINALLY makes sense..........
A young man took his girlfriend to her first football game. They
had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he
asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get The
quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents !!!!"
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