The joke thread

[Hedge]

Originally Posted by Des

Oh boy you girls sure are wicked ,I felt the pain all the way here in SA

Don't get us girls started on being wicked.......

Heather

[playtime8978]

Originally Posted by cb977

Laura emailed this to me today and I just had to share...you know how much I love blonde jokes

BOB AND THE BLONDE

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

Bob took the money...

thats great

[playtime8978]

Originally Posted by CodiMN

I'm sure you've seen this one...but it made me laugh!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After having their 11th child, a hick country couple decided 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are still legal in some places. The law hasn't reached out that far yet), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor,
"I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, " said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" .......
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

oh my word

[LauraN]

Another blond joke for Sue...For some reason this one reminds me of her... She'll understand why and maybe she can use this ploy...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,......just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales
guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He
never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.* */ /*

[camille1585]

Originally Posted by LauraN

Another blond joke for Sue...For some reason this one reminds me of her... She'll understand why and maybe she can use this ploy...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,......just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales
guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He
never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.* */ /*

I don't know what the link is with Sue, but that's too funny!!!

[playtime8978]

Originally Posted by LauraN

Another blond joke for Sue...For some reason this one reminds me of her... She'll understand why and maybe she can use this ploy...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,......just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales
guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He
never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.* */ /*

tooooo funny

[cb977]

Originally Posted by LauraN

Another blond joke for Sue...For some reason this one reminds me of her... She'll understand why and maybe she can use this ploy...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,......just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales
guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He
never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.* */ /*

That does remind me of...me!

[Des]

My next door neighbor asked me over the other night as he arrived home from work, as we walked into the kitchen there to our amazement was a squirrel in a cage. "Oh what's that" he said to his wife " it's a squirrel" she replied "what does it eat "he asked "nuts" she said "why did you get it" He said. His quick thinking wife replied without even a smile on her face " because I found out today that I am pregnant with our fourth child and I just have to do something about YOU!!!

[Marissa]

Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. - Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

[kavanaru]

Originally Posted by LauraN

Another blond joke for Sue...For some reason this one reminds me of her... She'll understand why and maybe she can use this ploy...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,......just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales
guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He
never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.* */ /*

LOL Excellent!!!


now, let us know what is the link with Sue!!