The joke thread

[thakshila smith]

Sue .Old couple is too much naughty.

[Dorothy]

I have to remember to find an electric fence when my love life gets boring -

[camille1585]

That's too funny Roy!!! I love blonde jokes!

[camille1585]

I recieved this joke in an email today. I found it funny enough to translate it from french for you guys to enjoy!


There once was a man who had worked hard all his life and had a large amount of money that he was stingy about. He loved his money more than anything, and when he was at the hospital dying he told his wife something very important: “When I die, I want you to put all of my money in the coffin with me. It will be for my life after death.” The wife very reluctantly swore that she would do as he wished.

Not long after that the husband died.
At the ceremony he was laid was laid out in his casket for viewing, and his family and few close friends where there. The lid was about to be closed and the wife shouted “wait a minute!!” She took a box out of her bag and laid it besides her dead husband’s body.

At the end of the funeral one of her friends asked “I sure hope that that box you put in wasn’t what he asked for!” The wife looked at her friend and told him “ I am a good Christian woman and I would never break the promise to my husband to bury him with his money, I did as he wished”.

After a few seconds of silence, she added: “ so I wrote him a check!”

[thakshila smith]

I thought I would be one like that.

[Bird Song Farm]

Having lived in small towns the most of my life I can assure you that the "grandmotherly" lady is right on track!!

Bless her.

Al

[cday2inflorida]

.....just received this via email and thought it was funny.


This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for Detroit.

Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an
emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to Detroit, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of
shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest
crime rate in America."

Jack replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a
nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice private
school.

It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death.
But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."

[cb977]

Laura emailed this to me today and I just had to share...you know how much I love blonde jokes

BOB AND THE BLONDE

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

Bob took the money...

[playtime8978]

Originally Posted by cb977

Laura emailed this to me today and I just had to share...you know how much I love blonde jokes

BOB AND THE BLONDE

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

Bob took the money...

thats great

[CodiMN]

I'm sure you've seen this one...but it made me laugh!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After having their 11th child, a hick country couple decided 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are still legal in some places. The law hasn't reached out that far yet), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor,
"I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, " said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" .......
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.