The joke thread

[Tindomul]

Thats too funny!!

[flhiker]

A filthy rich Floridian man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, who was the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.


At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in." The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." "No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks, I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The host replied, "Please, come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?" Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!"

[cb977]

ROFL!!! Too funny, Dave

[Djarum Black]

That one was really good!

[flhiker]

Four Worms and a Lesson


A minister decided that a visual demonstration would

add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

<B>

<B>

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

</B>

</B>

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -

Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -

Dead

third worm in chocolate syrup -

Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -

Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -


What can you learn from this demonstration?


Maxine was setting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,




"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service --�

[puddin]

[flhiker]

They just finished the jury selection phase of the Michael Vick case…

[flhiker]

Bubba Had Shingles.

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office appreciate this! It seems more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

[Tindomul]

Lol!!! Thats soo funny!

[flhiker]

Sick Leave

I needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly stressed
out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark!"