The joke thread

[cb977]

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizonawhen she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman .

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine.I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:





'Good trade.....

[Psyguy10]

hahahaha Sue thats a good one... geez this joke thread was a FANTASTIC idea! I have laughed so long and hard

[kavanaru]

Note sent, the next school day, with the 1st grader...


Dear Ms Williams,

That's not a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint! I work at Home Depot. That's me selling a shovel.

Cathy's mother,

-Mrs. Smith

[Sandy4453]

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her
body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

[Psyguy10]

I love this joke...i laughed all night long when i got it as an email

```````````````````````````````````
A middle aged woman had a heart attack
and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table, she had a
near death experience.

Seeing God, she
asked,
'Is my time
up?'

God said, 'No, you have another
43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the
hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement,
boob job, lipo-suction, and a tummy
tuck.

After her last operation, she was released from the
hospital. While crossing the street on her way
home, she was hit and killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
'I thought you said I had another 40 years?
Why didn't you pull me out of the path of
the car?'

God replied,
'Girlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!'

[Gin]

You know what they say about a guy dating a brunette ? Brown bagging it ..

[cb977]

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

[camille1585]

That's priceless!!

[GreggC]

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Pollston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

If someone in a store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan.

If your dad's suntan line stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.

If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan.

If your town has an equal amout of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.

If you have a lengthly telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.

You know you are a true Michigander when:

"Vacation" means going up north on I-75.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You can drive 65 mph through two feet of snow in a raging blizzard without flinching.

You see people wearing camouflage at socail events, including weddings.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all four seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

Your idea of creative landscape is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

Down south means Ohio.

A brat is something you eat.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

You go to a fish fry every Friday.

Your fourth of July picnic had to be moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snowblower than you do your car.

You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

You drink pop and bake with soda.

Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.

You can actually drink Vernors without coughing.

You know what a Yooper is.

You think owning a Honda is un-american.

You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

You know it is possible to live in a thumb.

You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

One of my cousins, who lives in Michigan sent me this. Just thought you would get a kick out of it.

[s.kallima]

3 white storks are chatting and asking each other where they are going.
The first stork says : I am going to Germany bring this baby girl to a young couple just married 9 month ago...
The second stork says : I am going to France to bring this baby boy to a couple who couldn't have a baby for many years...
And the third says : I am going to the nunnery nearby, I don't bring them any baby, but I like to scare them...