The joke thread

[David Morris]

A 2nd grade teacher was telling her class that only humans stutter. One little girl raised her hand and said that she had heard her cat stutter. The teacher asked her to explain herself, and the little girl said "well on day I was playing in the back yard with my cat when the neighbors rottweiler suddenly jumped over the fence. My cat started to go ffff...fffff.. and before it could say F**k the rottweiler ate it. "

[cb977]

[Royal]

Did you hear about the guy that lost the entire left side of his body in a car wreck? He's all right now.

[cb977]

[Royal]

Hey Sue, What's brown, and sticky?

[cb977]

Royal, do I really want to know?

[Royal]

A stick.

[cb977]

I'm gonna have to find a new smilie as a response to that one!

[Des]

Originally Posted by kavanaru

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look an d says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much.
That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

That is so funny and it is most probably the most expensive joke I have ever read on the net !!
Just before I read the punch line my wife handed me a steaming cup of soup , Reading the last bit really got me laughing and I spilled some soup onto the cat who was sitting on my lap,she took off like the proverbial scalded cat, but not before digging her claws into my legs making me jump up spilling yet more hot soup over myself and falling over the chair . And in the process knocking over the table my computer is on . The computer slid down the table and hit the dog, who just happened to be sleeping in exactly the right place to save my equipment from damage, on the head. He took off like a rocket and ran slap through the screen door destroying it. My Wife thought the end had come for me and pressed the panic button which summons security and medical help. They arrived while I was still trying to pick myself up off the floor! and when I told them it was a joke they called the cops , and thats why I am hiding under this bush with the dog.

[Dorothy]

Originally Posted by cb977

I'm gonna have to find a new smilie as a response to that one!

How is this one >>