The joke thread - Page 44 - Orchid Board

cb977 · #**431** 08-01-2008, 10:19 AM

I'm not sure about this one

cb977 · #**432** 08-04-2008, 09:58 AM

The maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did." She got the raise.

flhiker · #**433** 08-04-2008, 12:01 PM

Gotta love this! Laughed so hard I nearly cried.

This is why women should not take men shopping against
their will.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs.Fenton insisted
her husband
accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men ï¿½ he found
shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunately,
Mrs. Fenton was like most women ï¿½ she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from
her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband hasbeen causing
quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior
and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right awayï¿½.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WETFLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from
the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the
clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department,he practiced his
'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rackand when people
browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'

And last, but not least .

15.. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper
in here!'

Regards,
Wal-Mart

Joe