The joke thread

[cb977]

Great minds, Camille

[GreggC]

I will have some for you later. I have to look in my blonde joke file.

[GreggC]

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and asked the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs, sunny side up, and a pair of running boards are two slices of crisp bacon." "oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for your flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up."

[GreggC]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot had become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is truck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when......
the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

[cb977]

[camille1585]

Too funny!! Of course the horse one brings back bad memories, as I had the exact same thing happen to me, but on a real horse! And I'm not blonde!

[cb977]

Camille, you're killin' me!!!

[cb977]

Three Mischievous Grandmas

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."

One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts, and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three old ladies happily yelled in unison:

"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

[GreggC]

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-oldare upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what? says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say "hell" and you are going to say "ass." "OK!" The 4-year-old says with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!" She comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

[GreggC]

and says, "Give me a beer and a mop."