The joke thread

[GreggC]

[GreggC]

Three rednecks were working on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Bubba and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips and falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bubba says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife." Donnie says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Bubba says, "Where did you get that beer, Donnie?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," Donnie replies. "That's unbelievable. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly," Donnie says. "When she answered the door, I said to her 'you must be Cooter's widow'."She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow." Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are." Rednecks are sensitive that way.

[cb977]

MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD"

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil
Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but
he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on
Virgil's house. They search the shed where the
firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but
find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the
Sheriff
come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).

[GreggC]

Saw one similar about a guy who got thrown in jail and needed to get a garden dug for his Dad. He wrote his father saying something about there being guns in the garden area, and the cops dug the whole thing up looking for the guns.

[cb977]

The trucker and the blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says"Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs
up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it,
he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin. It's winter in Wisconsin and I'm
driving the SALT TRUCK."

[GreggC]

[cb977]

With all the snow talk on OB these days, it just seemed fitting

[Ross]

Idon't care who you are! That there is funny! (Larry the Cable Guy)

[cb977]

Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"

April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of
water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911 . "duh".....there's no "eleven"
Button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" to which she replied, "There certainly is!"


(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)






"My stupid computer keeps saying "You've Got Mail"

[camille1585]

You will not believe it, I was just about to post the "you've got mail" joke!! darn. I think it's too funny!