Puns to ponder ...
1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
When they lit a fire in the craft it sank,
proving once and for all that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
was known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the
Old West. He slid up to the bar and announced
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
4. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his
dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He
wanted to transcend dental medication.
5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
6. A man entered his local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at
least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.
7. A woman had identical twin sons, and gave them up
for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt
and was named Amal. The other went to a family in Spain;
they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture she
told her husband that she wished she also had a
picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins
if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
And the worst of the bunch:
8. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God,"
the rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the
friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to
get out of business. They ignored her too.
So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying
he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified they did so, thereby
proving . . .
(Brace yourself.)
That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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