This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current
medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _____Andi______________ DATE OF BIRTH _09-07-62___
2. HEIGHT _5’2” WEIGHT _205_________ I.Q. _89!___ G.P.A. __?___
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # __???-5?-244?________ DRIVERS
LICENSE# _____N/A_______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK _______ What?_________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS __Variable_______________ CITY/STATE _Variable_____
ZIP CODE ______Variable_____________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _Maybe(depends on the year)
If not., EXPLAIN ____They come and they go___________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married ____2 days?________
8. Do you own a van? __Sometimes___ A truck with oversize tires? _Can’t afford it____
A waterbed? ___a few____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _ring yes, but non of the above__
(If "yes" to any of # 8, dicontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? __When the girl doesn’t get her monthly friend.
__________________________________________________ ___
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY
DAUGHTER" mean to you? _Not sure what you mean by Don’t???___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ____________
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ____
______I don’t swing that way, anymore.________________________ ____________
12. Church you attend __I wouldn’t call it a church, more like a group of friends. how often do you attend? _ Every weekend(Thurdsay-Tuesday), we get so high…. Uhm.. elated.___________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest,
rabbi, minister? _They are currently not available._Ever!_________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are
confidential
(That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a. If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is _between my legs__
b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is _right hand________
c. A woman's place is in the ____bedroom_____________________________
d. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ___drugs________
e. When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _Boobies________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? I am grown up! And I love the way I live!!!
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS
TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE
UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS.
____Andi-the MAN!!!________________________________Signature
(That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call
or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your
application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white
ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)
__________________
"We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots?"
Goblin Market
by Christina Georgina Rossetti
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