The joke thread

[GreggC]

Ralph in the nursing home. "I have been sleeping really well these past few weeks," Ralph says. "Why," Patty asks. "Every night I am given a glass of warm milk and a viagra." "Why are they giving you viagra?", she aks. "I don't know," Ralph says. Patty finds a nurse down the hall and asks to know more about their sleeping aids. "The warm milk helps him sleep," the nurse says. "But the viagra?", Patty asks. "Oh," the nurse says, "that keeps him from rolling out of bed."

[Dorothy]

[Bolero]

I can't get over the Aussie kicking himself in the face......that makes all us Aussies look bad.

Geez!!!!! LOL

[flhiker]

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've ben wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend and also get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! and please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but , otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, 'Yes ! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

The wife repiles, ' I did, they're in your tackle box.

[Dorothy]

SNAG!

Good one!

[camille1585]

That's a good one! I've heard other jokes along on the same subject, but this has got to be my favorite!!

[GreggC]

favorite easy chair reading the afternoon newspaper when his wife came up behind him with a rolled up magazine and blang! about took his head off. "What was that for?", he said in obvious pain. "I was washing your trousers and I found Betty's name in your pants pocket," she said. "There is a perfectly good explanation for that, dear," he said. "Oh, and what might that be?", she asked. "Well, you know that I like to go to the track and bet on the horses. That was the name of my horse in the third race on Tuesday," he said. "Oh, I'm sorry dear, will you ever forgive me?", she asked.

About two weeks later, he was sitting in his chair, reading the paper. This time, she came up behind him with a cast iron frying pan, and when she hit him with it, she knocked him out of the chair, onto the floor and out cold. When he came to, he said, "What was that for, dear?" "Your horse called," she said.

[cb977]

ROFL!!!

[CodiMN]

NIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!

[IdahoOrchid]

Sorry for the caps, I did not feel like retyping it.

TWO HILLBILLIES WALK INTO A BAR, WHILE HAVING A SHOT OF WHISKEY, THEY TALK ABOUT THEIR MOONSHINE OPERATION. SUDDENLY, A WOMAN AT A NEARBY TABLE WHO WAS EATING A SANDWICH BEGINS TO COUGH. AFTER A MINUTE OR SO, IT BECOMES APPARENT SHE IS IN REAL DISTRESS.

ONE OF THE HILLBILLIES LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS "KIN YA SWALLAR?"

THE WOMAN SHAKES HER HEAD NO.

"KIN YA BREATHE?"

THE WOMAN BEGINS TO TURN BLUE AND SHAKES HER HEAD NO.

THE HILLBILLY WALKS OVER TO THE WOMAN, LIFTS UP THE BACK OF HER DRESS, YANKS DOWN HER DRAWERS AND QUICKLY GIVES HER RIGHT BUTT CHEEK A LICK WITH HIS TONGUE.

THE WOMAN WAS SO SHOCKED THAT SHE HAS A VIOLENT SPASM, AND THE OBSTRUCTION FLEW OUT OF HER MOUTH.

AS SHE BEGINS TO BREATHE AGAIN, THE HILLBILLY WALKS SLOWLY BACK TO THE BAR.

HIS PARTNER SAID, "YA KNOW, I'D HEERD OF THAT THERE 'HIND LICK MANEUVER', BUT I AIN'T NEVER SEED NOBODY DO IT."