Something's missing...oh yeah FLOWERS!

[gmdiaz]

I am not about to use the "p" word. . .patience is for sissies and people that can handle ongoing, unrelenting misery & dissapointment, after all. . .but may I suggest a more "Time Tolerant", subtle approach, perhaps a location near a trash bin. . .will speed things along.

[sucuz]

Originally Posted by gmdiaz

I am not about to use the "p" word. . .patience is for sissies and people that can't handle ongoing, unrelenting misery & dissapointment, after all. . .but may I suggest a more "Time Tolerant", subtle approach, perhaps a location near a trash bin. . .will speed things along.

At last, the voice of reason.

[AaronM]

Originally Posted by shakkai

Aaron, that first one, Onc. ampliatum, looks like you threw it in the bushes - no wonder it bloomed!!

The huge green thing in that picture is the orchid!!

Susie, my plan is to move my orchids past OFDM to, what I call LOSERR (Low Orchid Self-Esteem Rapid Reproduction). Insulting the plants is a key to their development. After all, super models are not created by loving fathers who constantly tell them how pretty and special they are.

gmdiaz, I was actually thinking about rolling a wood chipper up to the porch and parking right next to my orchid rack. I think that would get the point across. I have a couple plants that I would consider throwing in to show my lazy orchids I mean business. That'll learn 'em.

I doubled the fertilizer to all my orchids and will watch them closely to see if there is any noticeable difference in growth rate. This neglect think is working out great!

Aaron "The Orchid Whisperer" M

[Phal-gal]

Hi Aaron,

Love your post!

I was told that orchids also need a 10 degree difference in temp each day for a prolonged period before they will throw a spike. Its a possibility.

[AaronM]

O.K., I think I have this orchid thing all worked out. Neglect orchids but not completely, feed them (but not too little or too much or the wrong kind of food), give them plenty of light but not too much light (of course you only know it's too much after they are burned), give them warm days and cool nights (but not too warm or too cold [varies by orchid]), give them water (at the right time but not too much water or the wrong kind of water), keep the bugs away (but only with special, hard to find insecticides), wait patiently for the proper bimillennial conjunction of planets (again planets in question vary by species) and in no time at all I will have flowers galore.
Wow, this is going to be easier than I thought.
I think I need a new, more attainable goal like Middle East Peace or ending world hunger or even getting a certain presidential candidate to actually give a straight answer to any question he's asked by anyone, anywhere, about anything, ever!
Anyone interested in a collection of less than mint condition orchids? Only $2.50 plus $382.76 S&H (Wow I should be a professional ebay seller!)

Thanks for all the input. Hope everyone had some laughs.

Aaron "The Compost King" M

[Phal-gal]

too true, Aaron! By jove, I think he's got it!

[susiep]

Aaron, when did you change from the Orchid Whisperer to the Compost King? You haven't done anything cruel to your orchids that would result in you having extra compost, have you? Perhaps you should post some pic of your orchids just so we can be sure they are still ok.

[AaronM]

Don't worry Sue, I didn't do anything rash. Although I'm sure if I did compost the little suckers they'd bloom like crazy.
I would send photos but none of my orchids are worth taking pictures of. They are easy to picture though. Just imagine a bunch of leaves of various shapes and formations sitting there looking flowerless and smug. Didn't know orchids could look smug? Trust me they can.
Seriously, can anyone recommend a hobby with a little gratification involved. I like working with living things so if anyone knows how I could get into raising venomous snakes, maybe, please let me know. I've seen plenty of cobras on T.V. and none of them looked smug. Plus venom is worth a ton if you just have the guts to collect it.

Aaron "The Snake Whisperer" M

[AaronM]

You know Susie, I just noticed something. You live in zone 10B where everything grows like weeds. I bet if I lived in sunny, tropical zone 10B instead of semipolar zone 9A; I would have great looking orchids with tons of flowers too. Oh how nice it must be to sit back smugly (like some flowerless orchid) and taunt us unfortunate people without all your advantages in life.

Aaron "The 10B Envier" M

[AaronM]

This post is just because I wanted to be #100.

Aaron "#100" M